B-school and the spirit of service

An inflection point in my "b-school" career was in September of last year. About two or three weeks into the MBA program, I was ready to quit. I didn't know if I was learning anything major, and the itch to do something meaningful, primarily a habit from the mode I had been in during my Indicorps fellowship.

By serendipity, the Indicorps re-union weekend happened to right around then. And on a hike through a national park outside D.C., I shared my thoughts with Sonal Shah, founder of Indicorps, who had come to the re-union too.

Two things she said stuck to my mind: One, that I need to stay in b-school, because the world of business needs people who ARE motivated to do something for others. The other thing she mentioned was that because of my experience, I also now had a responsibility to be the voice of the people back in Bagar, who do not have the opportunity to represent themselves otherwise.

This is the responsibility that I now convey to people: that having seen this reality of the world, our responsibility is not necessarily to devote our lives in the service of others. But it IS our responsibilty to speak up and represent the people who don't have voices in conversations where they are misunderstood, to make sure that they have a voice in conversations where they are completely ignored.

I had a conversation with Prof. Jim Walsh tonight about this subject. He said that he uses the following simple diagram when he's trying to help his kids in trying to figure out what to do with their lives:

It makes so much sense. from a practical perspective, I am where I want to be.  I like it, I am good at it (at least i'm not bad at it), I am doing it to "make the world better". I just got to figure out the money / taking care of my responsibilities.

However, there is still some inner turmoil in me. It started off the week after I came back from my recent trip to Bagar. I went there because of nostalgia. And I came back so proud of where GDL was, and of the things that I had started. That's when it hit me: am I in social service for the right reasons? The entire time I was in Bagar, I never once asked the question, "are we helping people". Am I in interested in social enterprise because of a newer, more relevant definition of "greatness"? Am I just chasing my ego by trying to make a difference in this world?

Where is the 'spirit of service'? Where is that feeling that says that I identify with the people who are less 'fortunate' than I am, and that it fundamentally matters to my liberation what happens to them? Where is the spirit of giving that says no matter the results, no matter the accolades, no matter the success, I simply have to give, to try, to serve, because it matters, because it is the right thing to do?

My professor mentioned that I am simply human, and that ego is simply a part of everyone. I agree. It is. But there is a difference between primary motive & secondary motive. Because when it comes a time to make a tradeoff, to make a decision, my instincts will follow the primary motivation. And in times like these, I want my primary motive to be service, not greatness.

While the diagram says that I'm in the right place, am I doing it for the right reasons? It's a nagging question in the back of my mind, and something that I need to make sure I don't ignore, and keep examining, in the true spirit of self-reflection that was exemplified at Initiatives of Change.

 As for staying in b-school, my former boss at GDL/Indicorps put it in the right perspective. If I am not occupying my time "receiving" at b-school, then it is my responsibilty to occupy the rest of my time to "give".

There is much that I can share. Much that all of us can share with each other.

Classic example - this MAP project. I came to Michigan because of a fantastic program in social enterprise, and not much for MAP, which Michigan touts as a key differentiator. My experience at MAP has certainly made me a believer. While I may have what some may consider an "ideal" background to be working for a social enterprise in India, I am currently working with an investment banker, a consultant to the federal government, a product manager for a major consumer electronics manufacturing company, and manager of a call center. And I know that while I may be the subject-matter expert of the group, I would not have been able to deliver the quality of advice to our client on my own. There is a huge difference when you work with 4 other people that you respect, and that bring in very different perspectives to the same goal. Add to that the fantastic support of the professors who serve as our MAP project advisors, and I can really see why MAP is a fantastic program to add in any MBA curriculum.

Much to think about.

Thoughts while travelling

I write this on my laptop sitting here at Union Station, Chicago, on my way to Ann Arbor from my hometown of Bloomington, IL. I had a long layover, so I decided to stop by the food court. I get stopped by this (presumably) homeless lady, and she asks me for money for food. Mom had packed some stuff for me, so I said, here’s some food you can have. Turns out she doesn’t have any teeth, and would settle for a coke.

Now this is not an uncommon situation in India, and usually I tend to just ignore it and move on. I think the Indicorps training kicked in at this point. I bought two cokes, and sat down with her. The conversation was, well, VERY interesting. She really had a lot to say. I think the lady was suffering from some dementia too, and I just didn’t what to say about most things (How do you react to a lady wearing foil under her hat so that the ‘people who can change shapes’ don’t read her thoughts?) I just listened to her politely, and when I finished my drink, I wished her good luck with her crocheting (the needlework stuff) and walked away.

Something about this experience shook me. In some sense, my experience in India was a lot about in-your-face reality. I could have chosen to like it or hate it, but as a ‘social worker’, I could not have ignored it. In America (or actually just as easily in India), you can choose to block it out, ignore it, act like it’s not there. It reminds me of a line from the movie Crash, which talked about how we’re so separated from each other within all this glass and steel. Student life has really been like a bubble. Ann Arbor has a lot of issues to work with: but it’s so much more comfortable in your room.

It’s been a whole week since I promised to write, and I clearly haven’t even written an iota. I can’t complain though: I’ve had an ultimately relaxing (read: lazy) break. Some TV, answer a few e-mails, run some errands. Nothing to really push the limits anyhow.

And that in itself summarizes nicely my modus operandi for the last three months. Do a little work (enough to get by), watch TV (I call it catching up on lost time), answer a few e-mails, talk a lot every now and then. If the US army helps you be all that you can be, I’m definitely operating at no more than 30% of what I can be. This is not the Ashish of the last two years. I owe it to myself (and so many more), to be much more than that. B-School can’t just be another two years to get a degree – there is much more I can do in this world.

In the spirit of true self-reflection, I have to talk about what I’m going to do about it. B-school does provide rigorous academics, and it does nourish my intellectual curiosity (to what extent is purely my choice). But that still doesn’t take much time, and I still operate in a very me-centric world. My biggest decision of the day really is to figure out what I’m going to have for dinner. I think I’m walk upto the Chinmayanand Mission in Ann Arbor, where Shardaji is the Acharya, and start giving time there. I was really impressed by her BalVihar and her philosophy on working with kids and helping them connect to their Indian/Hindu roots. I think it’ll be really good for the soul to work with kids again: remind me that most of the joys of life are really really simple.

Plus, I think for overall health I am going to start running again – but to a particular goal. I am going to run a marathon next summer (let’s call it May 2009). I think the running is also going to provide me much needed daily discipline.

It all sounds very nice: on the eve of this next quarter to begin, here’s my plan to engage my body, mind and soul. Stay tuned for weekly progress.

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As Easy As Apple Pie

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade, said a wise man.

So, last week, life took me accidentally to a farm in Michigan. I managed to get a lot of produce, including 'cooking apples' (i.e. ones that aren't good to eat). So, life handed me apples, I made apple pie. It was pretty exciting - the first thing I've ever baked. Followed the recipe to a T, but one thing that no one told me was how to deal with all the water/juice that the apples let out when they heat. I had one soggy apple pie to deal with.


Anyways, as I made the quintessential Americana dessert during the long American holiday weekend, I realized that I am going to have a very different set of experiences, and consequentially a very different set of learnings during these next two years. As I enter the next phase of my life, after a life-altering two years in India, I realize that the blog that I had devoted to these two years is best left as it is. I will continue to update ashishinindia.blogspot.com as things related to India's development, my connections/memories/contacts or the progress of GDL and Indicorps keep coming up.

This blog, creatively titled AshishInBSchool, should serve as a platform for me to reflect, record & communicate my experiences during my two years at the University of Michigan Stephen M. Ross School of Business Full Time MBA program, where I hope to gain core business skills in order to fulfill my goal of affecting India's development as a social entrepreneur.

There has been quite a bit of gap since this and the last substantial post on Ashish In India. Much has happened since then. While it was meaningful, it probably wasn't of enough burning importance to get me to write about it. I am getting back to the US lifestyle in a very smooth fashion. What HAS happioned tremendously is actually coming back to the US via Atlanta - my old home, my old workplace. It was nice to come back to a place where I felt at HOME, a place with OLD friends, FAMILIAR streets. Plus, the 15 hours it took for Delta airlines to get me from New York to Atlanta on the day I got here meant that I wanted to come to Atlanta more than any man has EVER wanted to come to Atlanta. I literally kissed the ground as soon as I walked out of the airport.

The other big thing: I am now starting classes from Tuesday at the B-School. The last week and a half has been a foundation session for the Ross Leadership Initiative (i.e. orientation that focused on leadership a lot). In many sense, a lot of it was what Indicorps trains us for and pushes us towards. But I am immensely impressed with the faculty at Ross, and realize very humbly that there is much for me to learn. I am also convinced that Ross is the best place for me because of it's sincere and strong emphasis on Social Responsiblity, Social Enterprise & Non-Profit Mgt.

Why am I REALLY happy about this: It gives me an environment where I can be true to my long-term goal as a person who actively takes part in INdia's progress by setting up businesses that aim to be agents of social change as much as profit-generators for their owners. It allows me to keep my passion intact, and maybe, just maybe, live up to the person that I can be.