An inflection point in my "b-school" career was in September of last year. About two or three weeks into the MBA program, I was ready to quit. I didn't know if I was learning anything major, and the itch to do something meaningful, primarily a habit from the mode I had been in during my Indicorps fellowship.
By serendipity, the Indicorps re-union weekend happened to right around then. And on a hike through a national park outside D.C., I shared my thoughts with Sonal Shah, founder of Indicorps, who had come to the re-union too.
Two things she said stuck to my mind: One, that I need to stay in b-school, because the world of business needs people who ARE motivated to do something for others. The other thing she mentioned was that because of my experience, I also now had a responsibility to be the voice of the people back in Bagar, who do not have the opportunity to represent themselves otherwise.
This is the responsibility that I now convey to people: that having seen this reality of the world, our responsibility is not necessarily to devote our lives in the service of others. But it IS our responsibilty to speak up and represent the people who don't have voices in conversations where they are misunderstood, to make sure that they have a voice in conversations where they are completely ignored.
I had a conversation with Prof. Jim Walsh tonight about this subject. He said that he uses the following simple diagram when he's trying to help his kids in trying to figure out what to do with their lives:
It makes so much sense. from a practical perspective, I am where I want to be. I like it, I am good at it (at least i'm not bad at it), I am doing it to "make the world better". I just got to figure out the money / taking care of my responsibilities.
However, there is still some inner turmoil in me. It started off the week after I came back from
my recent trip to Bagar. I went there because of nostalgia. And I came back so proud of where GDL was, and of the things that I had started. That's when it hit me: am I in social service for the right reasons? The entire time I was in Bagar, I never once asked the question, "are we helping people". Am I in interested in social enterprise because of a newer, more relevant definition of "greatness"? Am I just chasing my ego by trying to make a difference in this world?
Where is the 'spirit of service'? Where is that feeling that says that I identify with the people who are less 'fortunate' than I am, and that it fundamentally matters to my liberation what happens to them? Where is the spirit of giving that says no matter the results, no matter the accolades, no matter the success, I simply have to give, to try, to serve, because it matters, because it is the right thing to do?
My professor mentioned that I am simply human, and that ego is simply a part of everyone. I agree. It is. But there is a difference between primary motive & secondary motive. Because when it comes a time to make a tradeoff, to make a decision, my instincts will follow the primary motivation. And in times like these, I want my primary motive to be service, not greatness.
While the diagram says that I'm in the right place, am I doing it for the right reasons? It's a nagging question in the back of my mind, and something that I need to make sure I don't ignore, and keep examining, in the true spirit of self-reflection that was exemplified at
Initiatives of Change.
As for staying in b-school, my former boss at GDL/Indicorps put it in the right perspective. If I am not occupying my time "receiving" at b-school, then it is my responsibilty to occupy the rest of my time to "give".
There is much that I can share. Much that all of us can share with each other.
Classic example - this MAP project. I came to Michigan because of a fantastic program in social enterprise, and not much for MAP, which Michigan touts as a key differentiator. My experience at MAP has certainly made me a believer. While I may have what some may consider an "ideal" background to be working for a social enterprise in India, I am currently working with an investment banker, a consultant to the federal government, a product manager for a major consumer electronics manufacturing company, and manager of a call center. And I know that while I may be the subject-matter expert of the group, I would not have been able to deliver the quality of advice to our client on my own. There is a huge difference when you work with 4 other people that you respect, and that bring in very different perspectives to the same goal. Add to that the fantastic support of the professors who serve as our MAP project advisors, and I can really see why MAP is a fantastic program to add in any MBA curriculum.
Much to think about.
