Two Points For Honesty

There are many things that I have pushed back on the to-do list, nay the ULTIMATE to-do list of them all, the 'to-reflect' list.

In many ways, I'm going back to precisely the same behaviors that made me less than who I can become . Actually, I don't know if these behaviors ever went away. In India I was simply trying to do 150% of what I could possibly do, and that let me perform somewhere near my capabilities. It was the incessant people to pay bills to, the incessant stock/inventory to keep, the incessant fires to put out, the incessant incessancy? of Mahendra (God bless his soul for being so perseverant).

It's funny how this thought has even entered my mind. It's not really an internal reflection, but rather a reflection on someone else's mirror. It starts off innocuously - what classes do I take next quarter. Then it boils into, how many classes do I take next quarter? And slowly the heuristics have nothing to do with ourselves - how much is that guy taking (only 3, but the dude never has any free time!). Or, oh my God, that girl is taking 7 classes and running the show here and leading this and leading that, and still manages to look good. BTW, I don't think I still understand the word heuristics fully, but I'm sure our Management& organizations professor will burn it into our psyche forever by the end of 2 more weeks.

Perhaps it is a lack of other heuristics of comparison that forces you into the default one of your work/school peers. It is the ultimate 'crab' mentality: I am only as happy relatively to those around me. And rather than looking for other comparative heuristics, and giving personal weights to it (the logical way), I need to stop comparing altogether. I need to figure out what matters to me (aka priorities) and what am I really capable of (aka competence). And go from there. To realize that, there is only one way. You guessed it. Self-Reflection. It's what Indicorps showed me. It's what Initiatives of Change (formerly MRA) showed off so brilliantly.

I think I started off this quarter with a talk about body, mind and soul. I'm not sure if that is good enough. Or maybe the soul part is a lot more than spirituality. Actually, like heuristics, I don't really understand the meaning of spirituality either.

But Two Points For Honesty, non?